Funeral Etiquette | Funeral Facts with Deacon Marc

 

Below is a transcript the the video:

What do you do and what don’t you do? This is Deacon Marc with the funeral facts and today we’re going to talk about funerals and what to expect and how to act, because most of us don’t attend a funeral that often and we often get a lot of questions around funerals and how do you actually expect what you do so let me give you a couple pointers today.

First of all what do you wear? This is not a chance for you to bring out your fluorescent orange vest or your pink flamboyant tie or anything like that. It really is still traditional black navy dark solid colors. You always want to dress traditionally for a funeral modestly for a funeral, darker colors.

Second piece people ask me is, what do I bring to the funeral? Do I bring a gift to them? Do I get a gift card for them? What do I do? and typically what is generally there’s nothing expected. Bringing yourself is what’s most important but if you did want to really bring something bring them a card with a nice note in there that you’re praying for them that they can read later. Some people do like to bring flowers to leave at the graveside with to leave with the family but really flowers or card is what to do.

If you really want to bring something I could tell you what not to bring, your cell phone. Leave it totally in the car there’s no need for you to have the type cell phone really could become a distraction to yourself if you think you’re gonna be taking pictures, no, just leave it in the car there’s no need to have it. There’s no need to have it there let yourself be focused on this time with the family.

Speaking of time, be on time and stay for the entire time arrive early stay till the end and we never know how long a funeral is gonna be that priest homily can be extra long the eulogy can be long good the long and so plan for adequate time you being there is about you being present for that family so give yourself plenty of time in the day to be present for that funeral.

At the same point in time be prepared may want to bring a little bottle of water with you so that in case your throat gets parched with tissues with you if you think you have a cold or it might get teary eyed bringing some mints with you for the wonderful breath that we all have. But come prepared to the funeral with some items so that you don’t have to walk out during the funeral to help with those type of things

Finally be there for the family be present for the family and the biggest one of the biggest pieces of funeral etiquette that I can give you is be sure to say you’re condolences to the family and don’t be one of those who sneaks out the back door and avoid saying goodbye to the family. What really needs to happen at that time is for you to just go up to the family and give your condolences I’ve done another video on how to get those condolences but for right now just plan on having that difficult time going up to the family telling them I’m sorry giving them a hug if it’s appropriate and letting them know that you’re here for them these are just a couple of funeral etiquette ideas for you to help you through that funeral if you may have one up here in the near future.

This is funeral facts with Deacon Marc make it great day and God bless.

To learn more about our funeral services, visit our website: https://cfcscolorado.org/services/funeral/

The Funeral Liturgy (The Mass) │ by Deacon Marc

The Funeral Liturgy (The Mass)

Thornton CO Funeral Services And Cremations

Do we really have to have a Funeral Mass (or Funeral Liturgy Outside of Mass)?   What if no one is going to come?   These are two questions I often receive from individuals when I discuss funerals with them.   The answer is a strong YES!  While the Funeral Mass is partially for the living, it is more so for the deceased.  There are graces for the decedent that come in having a Funeral Liturgy.  This is the last opportunity for your body to be present in front of the Eucharist – the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Christ.   Yes, you want to have a Funeral Liturgy.   Yes, when possible and feasible, you want to have a Funeral Mass.

As the Eucharist is the source and summit of our faith, it should be of no surprise that the Funeral Liturgy is the central part of the Order of Christian Funerals.  While you can utilize the Funeral Liturgy Outside of Mass for specific reasons, the Funeral Mass is the typical and ordinary form of liturgy used within the Order of Christian Funerals.  The Funeral Mass is always the preferred liturgy.  Whether you have a traditional casket burial or a cremation burial, individuals can have a funeral Mass.  That said, the preference is always to have the full body present.  This means the preference is to have cremation take place following the Mass.

Those attending a Funeral Mass will find it very similar to their Sunday Mass with a few additions.  You have the Liturgy of the Word and the Liturgy of the Eucharist.   If this is the first time the body is coming into the Church, the Rite of Reception takes place at the start of the Mass.  During this rite, a pall is placed on the casket and the casket is blessed with holy water prior to processing to the front of the church.  However, if the body is cremated, the pall is not utilized.  After the Liturgy of the Eucharist; the Funeral Mass ends with Commendation Prayers.   This Funeral Liturgy Outside of Mass has most of the same components except the Liturgy of the Eucharist is omitted.

Often, people ask if they can have a eulogy at the Funeral Liturgy.  The Archdiocese of Denver does allow for one short eulogy just prior to the Commendation Prayers, and it must be noted that the ideal time for the eulogies is at the Vigil.

The focus of the Funeral Liturgy is on God’s love for us.  There is no greater example of His love than Jesus dying on the cross for each of us.   This is what we celebrate at every Mass.  We have one final opportunity to participate in this celebration at our Funeral Mass.  Do you really want to miss out on that celebration?   I don’t!   I don’t want to miss the opportunity for the graces that come forth, nor the opportunity for my loved one to fill the void of loss with faith.

Deacon Marc Nestorick
Outreach Manager
Catholic Funeral & Cemetery Services of Colorado

For more information, visit our website: https://cfcscolorado.org/services/funeral/

The Vigil │ by Deacon Marc

The Vigil

Lakewood CO Funeral

My grandfather passed away when I was a young child.  He was a firefighter and passed away while fighting a fire.  I can remember going to the Vigil and leaning over the casket.   Unsure of what to do, a family member whispered in my ear telling me to say goodbye and ask God to bless him “for a safe trip to God.”  While my family member did not realize it, she summarized in her short whisper the importance of the Vigil in the Order of Christian Funerals.

The Vigil is held prior to the funeral liturgy (Funeral Mass) with the recommendation that it be held “well before” the funeral liturgy.  Typically and traditionally this means at least the night before the liturgy.  The Vigil may also be held over a series of days.   The Vigil is the opportunity for the family to come together to pray as a community for the person who passed away (intercessory prayer), and to remember and share stories of the loved one who passed away.  This is the ideal time for eulogies as family and friends are coming together often for the first time.

As the Vigil is a time for intercessory prayer, the Rosary is often part of a Vigil.   The Rosary is such a traditional part of the Vigil that often times the Vigil is referred to as “The Rosary.”   The Rosary is one of the most widely used forms of intercessory prayer to the Blessed Mother.  With each Hail Mary, we are asking Mary to pray for us now and at the hour of our death.   While the Rosary can be done in place of the Vigil, there are fruits to doing the Vigil with the Rosary.

The Vigil is often done within the “Viewing.”   During the Viewing there can be an open or closed casket.  If the individual is cremated, the cremated remains may be present.   While the viewing may be several hours, the Vigil is a formal time of prayer often within the Viewing.

Unfortunately, today many are opting to forgo the Vigil or place the Vigil immediately prior to the Mass.   This often is done to allow more people to attend.   That said, there are many benefits to having the Vigil at least the night before the Funeral Liturgy.  This allows the family to begin the grieving process prior the liturgy providing both spiritual and psychological benefits.  Whenever possible, we should learn from the centuries of experience of our Church and hold the Vigil the night before the liturgy.   This Vigil is a key part of the Order of Christian Funerals and offers the opportunity to fill the void of loss with faith.

Deacon Marc Nestorick
Outreach Manager
Catholic Funeral & Cemetery Services of Colorado

For more information, visit our website: https://cfcscolorado.org/services/funeral/

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